"Is your sister-in-law a keeper or a dud?"

The only sister in law I have is my husband's sister.  We get along really well, and I'm so glad she's my sister in law.  She's an awesome aunt to all three of our kids, and a dutiful Godmother to our daughter.  For birthdays and holidays, she almost always gives our kids books--the few times she's given them toys, they've been so creative and original (my favorite was the pretend sushi set).  When she travels, she always sends the kids postcards.  She knits adorable hat and mitten sets for them in the winter, and when they were babies she knit them sweaters and blankets as well.  When she's in town, she usually picks up one of the kids for an "adventure day."  She'll take them to the seaport, the aquarium, an art museum, or a children's museum.  They adore her, of course!

 

Besides being great to the kids, she's fun for me to spend time with as well.  When my husband and I were still just dating, she made the mistake a few times of calling me by his ex-girlfriend's name.  I didn't take it personally, and now we laugh about it.  One of the first conversations I had with her was about books--we both love to read and have very similar taste in books.  I thought at the time she seemed surprised to find that we had something in common.  Later, when we knew each other much better, she confessed that she had given up hope that her brother would ever date (let alone marry) a girl that she would be able to like.  She's very different from my husband in many ways, and still holds a slight grudge against him for all of the ways he tormented her when they were kids and teenagers.

 

My sister in law currently lives in Boston, where she is a Latin teacher.  Sometimes I spend the weekend up there with her, and we always have so much fun shopping and eating.  She also comes down this way regularly to visit her family, and we sometimes do interesting projects together.  One afternoon we made our own mozzarella cheese, which was quite a tasty experiment.  Another day, we sent my kids off with my husband and canned apples while we drank wine and snacked on cheese and crackers.  The apples actually came out OK and no one has yet died of botulism.  We swap recipes and books, talk on the phone, and truly enjoy each other's company.

 

For several years we've both talked about how it would be nice if she lived closer.  Boston is about three hours from us.  The rest of the family has long speculated on if she would ever get married (she's reached the ripe old age of 33).  Both of those events have finally come to pass!  This summer she is getting married to a guy we all adore, and moving back "home."  They'll be living half an hour away, and since they are both teachers, they'll have summers off together.  We are all so THRILLED about this wedding!  They seem truly happy and perfectly suited for each other, and I get the added (selfish) benefit of getting to see her more often!

 

Now, if my brother ever gets married, I suspect I might have a different experience...but maybe he'll surprise me!

I've only one sister-in-law so far, but I'm the youngest and only girl with 2 brothers, so I'll have another one eventually. 

My brother began seriously dating his wife when I was 7 or 8 years old (he's 15 years older than me), and married her when I was 9.  It's been 11 years (I'm 22), but I'm pretty sure she still thinks of me as that 9 year old little girl that she met way back when.  She also already has two sisters and no brothers, so she has no real need to get close to me as a friend.  However, she's made my brother incredibly happy and her patience with her 7 and 4 year old child never ceases to astound me; she'll sit on the floor with them doing the most tedious thing that I would probably be bored with after only minutes.  Also, she has a law degree that has been put on the back burner for 7 years, since my niece was born.  And it probably won't be put to use again for at least another year when my nephew starts kindergarten.  As a senior in college, that's pretty admirable, to me.

She's not my favorite person (personality-wise, on an "adult level," for lack of a better term), but she really does typify what I would like to be in the future as a wife and a mother. 

Your one sister-in-law does sound a bit much, especially for being so controlling to a 20 year-old.  If the laws consider 18 years-old as an adult, the mother (a step mother, especially!) should respect that as well.  Who is she to control how much skin a 20 year old young woman is showing?  Granted, she has the right to an opinion and a preference, but not "rules."  The "rules," along with the threat of killing herself and her children make it sound like she has got some deeply-rooted jealousy issues going on regarding her husband/your brother's "past."

Good luck with her, but please do enjoy your other sister-in-law, because it's not often when we are lucky enough to "land" in-laws that are "keepers!"