"How much privacy do you give a teen?"

You should give your teen an illusion of complete privacy but then do your job as a parent and snoop.  You could actually save your kids life...  a good friend of mine and wealthy had found out that he had given his son far too much privacy.  Even though the kid was going to a good private religious school and he got involved in taking inhalants (sniffing glue, gasoline, paint, etc) for a high.  Almost cost the kid his life.

I would talk to your kids often... one on one...  and fathers seem to get sons to open up more than moms...  then spy on them like it is no one business.  I have SpectrePro loaded on my Son's PC and sample things he recieves (photos, etc), emails, IM... Facebook, MySpace, etc... we have been able to head off some troubles we say brewing and also we found out something even more important---my son is a level headed young man who can think for himself.  Though he does make some serious errors in judgement he is not easily persuaded by his peers and he is drug free and alcohol free at 17 years old.

I know I am going to get the wrath of self-made "Privacy Advocates" for saying "SPY ON YOUR KID"... but as a father and someone who has been there and seen it and including some heart ache from other parents I can tell you... you must dealve into the private life of your kids and be all-knowing without letting on what you know.

My son used to run away from home overnight... I always knew where he was and that he was safe.  Sometimes I would by "happen chance" find him... he was amazed but I never let on that his privacy was an illusion.  At 18 he is a man and we will no longer monitor him like we do now.  He still hast follow the rule of the house though.

For a minor child, privacy is NOT a right. It is a privilege earned by consistent and respectful behavior. The rules and terms of engagement and enforcement must be clear. If you have reasonable cause to suspect that one or more of the rules have been broken, then you have the right to rescind that privilege.

I had a situation occur with my son who tried to get away with something I never would have suspected him of doing. His "victim" came to me and asked that I intervene. I approached my son and gave him the opportunity to come clean. He did. He still had consequenses, but I assure you they were a lot less severe than they would have been had I been forced to get to the bottom of it myself.

It's the same if you drive dangerously and get too many tickets. The authorities WILL take your driver's license away and you will no long have the privilege to drive. You have to earn it back.

Kids are taught civil rights and equality and the bill or rights in school and mistakenly think that the controls in place on our government also control our homes. That's a mistake my kids don't make anymore.

adult parents.  There is no expectation of privacy except when they are in the bathroom or dressing.  All other times, room doors were opened.  They did not use the computer without supervision and they had to do their phone calls in the living room.

I agree with your stance - after all, you are responsible for your teen and their actions until they reach majority age.

The way it was in our (my husband's and mine.... kids are like guests.....) house and teens don't need the level of privacy that adults do.  The right to it has to be earned.

In our house it was an open door policy and unless you were undressing or changing your clothes your bedroom door was open, all times.

No TV or friends in the bedroom.  We made our basement into a room for our kids and friends to watch the big TV, a table for board games, a little fridge for fruits, sodas, water and juices.  Stipulated that we adults and the others kids parents could come down anytime.  It was a "Teen Center" with serious chaperones.  Backyard grilling and basketball playing.  Water fights,  Pizza parties.  Comfortable deck for a conversation.  Intense parental involvement.

In conversation we were open about all subjects (although my husband cringed at that).  I had a lot of self control because an older friend had given me a great advice that it was not to react when a teenager says they are going to do something.  95% of times they forget about it while we stress over it.

That changed when they went to college, learned how to live in one single room.  They came home and their bedroom doors closed but they had earned the right to do it because the way they performed when not under my wings. I trusted them.

Now my daughter is a counselor and 29 years old.  She said she will do the same as we did with her kids.....that very "Gentle Dictatorship" as she calls it, I carried on.  Strict but very fair.

I considered it a compliment.

In my opinion, responsability=freedom. One freedom EARNED by a teenager is personal privacy. If your child is responsable, then they have earned
the freedom of personal privacy with their things. If not, then he/she is answerable to you, the parent. The age does not matter here, it is the
behaivor of the child that dictates how much freedom they have earned. Personal privacy is not a God given right just because a teenager "exists".

Your rules are coming from a place of protection and love, not the need to be controlling. You want your child to become a well adjusted
healty adult who can take care of him/herself. You don't get your kicks from being the "ever watchful eye". That is HARD work and very stressful.
It is much easier to ignore things, and live your own life, not burdened by an irresponsable person who needs constant watching. You have made the
harder choice to BE involved because you love your child and want what's best for HIM/HER.

You are being a great parent. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.