"Are there people who really live double lives?"

Asked by ~Nutty~ 27 months ago

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I can't understand how people can manage a double life.. I can barely handle my juggle with one! LOL
My friend has a boyfriend, who is married in his native country. He promises her the world, and he says that he doesn't want to break his wife's heart. He told me that since he became a US citizen, he has no plans to return to his country. I think he still supports his family. I keep out of their business, but I am best friends with this woman. What would you do?


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"I dated someone from a different country and he ended up having a double life."
 by Vêëçìóü§ on Nov 08 2007 (27 months ago)
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He was living in Arizona and I met him at a party. He told me that he was staying with his ex in a town two hours away just because he had no where else to go. He kept promising that he was going to make money by doing some kind of web design and that he had to go on trips for work. well, it turns out that after several years and LOTS of money he was actually going ack to the ex telling her that he and I were just roommates and he was also going to swingers clubs and parties. One of my friends found a picture of him online. His face was not in the picture but a tatoo that I had paid for was visible so it was unmistakibly him. We also found pictures he had taken of naked women in our house while I was at work. It was awful. When I looked back there were a couple of signs but not for everything. When the ex and I ended up talking it seems he was actually living more then a double life because there were a couple of other women. After we broke up friends of mine came forward to tell me he had hit on them and family members said they never liked him. I asked them why they never said anything to me. they all told me they didn't want to hurt my feelings. I wish they would've, it would've saved me an even bigger hurt and some money.
Sources: My Life

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"Double Lives"
 by JayD on Nov 08 2007 (27 months ago)
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I think he is creating a double life... one where you are (America?) then keeping the one back in his native country... two disctinctly separate lives.  Not good.  A world of hurt for your friend at some point in the future I think.  He may be here to make money to send home and in need of some "companionship" in the mean time.  He may be thinking that what happens here in US... stays in US... that the lives are two separate things.   I think that is how they set it right in their heads.

 

My brother had a wife that was going around door-to-door as a Jehova Witness and trying to convert folks to Christianity and at the same time having an affair with her boss, snorting Cocaine and Oxycodone... etc.  She created a double life that were diametrically opposed to each other.  One one side an ethical upstanding church going individual with a fine reputation and on the other side a "Manizer", drug addict...  amazing to me when folks do this.  Especially amazing when the two personalities are distinctly opposites.
Sources: Personal Observation
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"It's a cultural thing:"
 by burpie on Nov 08 2007 (27 months ago)
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I happen to also know someone in the same situation. My brother's wife's family are from another country and her father has an entire family over there and then his wife and family here. He supports both and it is not a sore subject in her family and it is not looked down upon. I think as long it is out in the open with them and okay then I say "live and let live" It's not legal here nor is it commonplace so it is uncomfortable to talk about. As long as she is fine with it then you should be too.
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"its just wrong..."
 by SheweeGirl on Nov 13 2007 (27 months ago)
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what if one day his wife saved up enough money to come here with the children? what a mess that would be! I think your friend needs to find someone unattached. I saw this go on alot when i worked in a meat packing plant. I hear about it alot now too. Its both men and women doing it too. I think its mean. HE doesnt want ot breka his wifees heart but i bet he also promised her hed send for her someday too. Your friend might be heading for a big huge mess. I also bet his wife probally suspects something is going on if hes not planning on returning. Its a huge problem people dont know how too keep thier pants on anymore and i think its harder on the children too.
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"I'm friends with at least one"
 by Manda on Nov 14 2007 (27 months ago)
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A guy friend of mine often chooses a "doubble life."  My girlfriends who know him hate that I'm even friends with him; they say he's a womanizer at best, and things too bad to put on askville at worst.  He always has at least one girlfriend, often two, who never know about eachother or the "friendships" he maintains with girls he's been with for ages.  I stay friends (not "friends") with him  because we've been friends for so long, because there's a huge amount of trust between us, and because I feel that he really is a good friend to me.  How he chooses to treat his girlfriends is between them and his god, and not really any of my business.

 

Along those lines, if I were in your situation, I would be there for your friend, support her in whatever decisions she ends up making, and be glad you aren't in her shoes.  Any moral decisions she makes reguarding this are entirely on her shoulders.
Sources: oppinion

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Unless, of course, her boyfriend doubles as a serial killer. In which case I probably would call the poliece instead of getting involved
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Latest post on this question's discussion board:

JayD-

My friend I'm talking about has said I'm the only girl he knows worth marrying because I'm the only one smart enough not to date him. Strangely enough, I often know more about his variety of girlfriends than any of them do about eachother. He's never gone so low as to get a girl drunk (they flock to him with out the alcohol), but when we were in college everyone knew he had a girlfriend. Some how they'd still get mad at him when he was dating a new girl from school and then the girlfriend from home found out and raised Kane. As if they were actually surprised this was going to happen!
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