Answer from -layyla-
2 people found this helpful

I am estranged from my older sister.

My sister is 11 years older than I am. As a child I worshipped her. She was an artist, musician, performer, and just the most interesting person anyone ever met. She is also incredibly messed up, neurotic, and insecure. It wasn't until I became an adult that I saw this side of her. She tried to seduce every man in sight including my boyfriends and later my husband. She tells stories about me for attention from others. She does her best to cause as much drama as possible. She also is a long-time drug user stemming from her days as one of the original hippies.


Our real falling out came after my father died. It turned out that through all her glorious and adventurous years she had never been financially independent of my father. He had always supplemented her with money. After he was gone there was no more money to give her. She got all she could out of my mother but even that source dried up. Then she turned to me and my family. She was determined that she would never be a wage slave (her words) but she seemed to have no trouble with the idea that my husband and I could do it for her. I gave her money for as long as I could but I had small children and her need never had an end. Eventually I felt that I had to make a choice. It was either my children or her. As a mother, it wasn't a question. In my opinion it was time for her to get a job. Then she became mean to me. She can't resist being the most hurtful she can possibly be. When I cut her off she turned to my more distant relatives. She told them stories about how she was hurt and couldn't work (not true) and that I wouldn't help her. I know she did this because one of my cousins called me one night to chastize me for how I treated her. He was very surprised to hear my side of it. As a result, none of my cousins, aunts, or uncles will talk to me anymore. I wasn't that close with them so it's not a big loss to me. They all gave her as much as they could until they cut her off but they never stopped believing her lies about me.


Since my father died 24 years ago, you can see that we have been estranged for a long time. My sons know they have an aunt Joanne but they don't have any memories of her. This is very sad. I have tried to talk to her and make up from time to time but it always ends up with me crying because she treats me so meanly. I saw her at a funeral a couple of years after my second marriage. It was the first time she had met my husband and he was anxious that this painful part of my life be healed for my sake. He was glad that she and I were in a position to talk again. By the end of the day however his words were simply, "you don't ever have to talk to her again."


I don't think I will ever see her again. I hear about her from time to time. She lives on the edge of society and collects social security now that she is 64 even though she hasn't worked for years. I think she still uses drugs. She isn't married and has no one that I know of. The choices she has made destroyed the life of a truly wonderful person. It's a sad story and I don't think there will ever be a happy ending.

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Answer from HELENofTROY
1 people found this helpful

Our adult children are all over the map...

Each one followed their careers and flew the coop...

A son in Seattle area,

Two sons in California,

A daughter in upstate NY,

A son in Connecticut,

A daughter on the other side of FL

And one daughter has moved back home.


There was only one thing we could do about it.  When it was time for us to retire and head south to Florida...we bought a huge log cabin.  It can sleep 11 people, if need be <:O)


They come here for vacation...and it's wonderful.  So far, they've each come at different times...so we all get to spend quality time together...hit the amusements, the beach...or just hang out...cook out...whatever to mood of the day inspires.


We all keep in touch with phone calls and emails...close, but yet so far. 


It's been 4 years since we moved...although we can't all be together for Thanksgiving and Christmas...our hearts are close...and we know they'll be visiting again soon <:O)



Sources: My crazy life
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Comments on this question:

HELENofTROY, regarding your answer "Our adult children are all over the map...":

I think you have the wrong definition for estrange. I looked it up.

A state or feeling of being no longer friendly
Thesaurus: dissociation, disaffection, hostility, antipathy, alienation, antagonism, breach.
Etymology: 15c: from French estranger, from Latin extraneare to treat as a stranger.

You are separated from your children not alienated from them.