Not only was I an only child, but I was the only girl on my mother’s side, much younger than my cousins and my parents were older and been married for 12 years before I was born! Triple whammy!!!
I always felt kind of out-of-step and lonely growing up, but my parents were there for everything that I did! They were the official chaperones for my Girl Scout troop camping trips and everything until I graduated HS. We had parties with my friend’s band playing live in our backyard every summer and we girls had slumber parties pretty often (New Year’s with fire works)! I did not have any annoying siblings to bother us, but I envied my friends when I visited them, because they all did have and I loved to stay at their houses just to interact with their siblings. When we went on family vacations, I usually took one of my friends along as company for me! My parents were really great in all of this and all of my friends called them Maw and Paw. One of my friends who came from a very troubled home, even asked my parents to adopt her when she was in her teens, she spent a lot of times at our house, and my parents almost considered doing it.
This was a good way to grow up, but I had the "Good Little Girl" Syndrome! I felt I had to do what everyone wanted me to do to earn everyone’s love. My mother used guilt to control me and even now guilt can too easily control me, if I am not careful and taking care of myself! She is 98 and still gives me one of her guilt cues very often, even with her alzheimers! Funny thing, my daughter was around her grandmother enough that she picked up the guilt trick from her! She tries to use her daughter against me and we really had a situation for a while, but I’ve pretty much worked through that. I did not raise my kids on guilt so they do not react to that (darn it)!
In all the perfect life of growing up, I was raised in a bubble and my parents protected me too much from the negative things in life and I did not develope enough skills I needed later in life to deal with life’s problems. It has been very hard the last few years to deal with not being Mama’s little girl and to become older, retired, a grandmother and Mama’s caretaker!
When I graduated from college and began teaching, I ended up 400 miles away from my home town and made a strong effort to learn to do things for myself (I had never gotten gas for my car by myself even). and I felt like I did not fit in very well in any new situation. Imagine my surprise when I found that the whole world did not revolve around what I wanted! Eventually, I made a place for myself and even became chairman of my department at school. But my personal life still was not fulfilling. Most of my friends were married and although I did go out with them and had an occasional date with one of their friends or relatives, I still had no serious relationship. So, I joined a computer dating service to meet men and began writing to my future husband. We then talked on the phone, also. He decided to come visit me, then. I went to visit him. (We lived about 100 miles apart.) We were both in our early 30’s. I had built my own home by then, but he still lived in an apartment. But, I felt my biological clock ticking and we got married after 6 weeks. Mostly because it was summer and I wanted to be ready to go back to school in the fall! had found someone else who did not play the social and courtship games.
We've been married for a bumpy 27 years and have 2 adult kids. He came from an opposite background, youngest of four boys, father died when he was 9 and mother had a hard time making it emotionally and finacially. But we are still together and I guess will stay that way.
As if growing up at 50 wasn't hard enough, I was also diagnosed with bipolar II disorder 3 years ago and am slowly learning to deal with that too, I retired from teaching at 52, with plans for a second career, but haven't been able to yet, because of the bipolar.
It is also hard without siblings now, but I know a lot of people with bipolar disorder who have mpre trouble with their siblings than anyone else, so maybe it is a tie that way.
As my husband is very fond of saying we all have to grow up and learn to deal with whatever we are dealt with in our childhood!
