The thing is, appendicitis is a terrible pain, but not in the ass. Some people say it's a side splitter, but as my brother had his removed at a tender age, magic has not yet obliviated the spectrum. This is going to sound a bit splendiferous, but that's as can't be helped, what with the sklodickies and the splurges. Those are technical terms that can't be translated into your language.
Still, apendectomy to the contrary, internal gravitational light bending, and self-supported motivation are a bit difficult, since the appendix is the locus of the gravitational anomaly necessary for both pasttimes. It is a sad, sad thing when the anomaly gets inflamed, neccessitating it's removel, should you wish to avoid falling into yourself. The event horizon surrounding an appendicidal locus remains in orbit for approximately 8 million years, or until universal heat death, whichever comes first. I advise against this method of self-elimination, as it causes severe local space travel disruptions for those who have no yet crossed the light barrier.
The loss of eye-lasition due to advanced ocular freshness is a well-known side-effect of sex addiction. It seems that the intimate fluids for the race found on this dirtball, locally referred to as "earth" (and a quaint name that is), have a cumulative effect on our internal lasers in both the blue, and red range. Xray, should you be gifted with that, is not affected, although it becomes difficult to target with the occlusion of the rims. The usual result is a long, slow, retirement in the steel room, so as to prevent random xray bursts that lead to localized cancer outbreaks. Dr U. I am very sorry to hear you have been afflicted with this, but you can't say you weren't warned.
There is but one other malady that I am aware of that can cause severe locomotion distress amongst our compatriots dwelling in this duodenom. Under no circumstances, must you even spend the slightest amount of energy considering a hip replacement operation in this time-space plane. For reasons that remain opaque to us, the replacement bones used seem to short out the hyper-pediation engine. No matter how painful it gets, be aware that such operations will almost surely eliminate any ability to jump into hyper-time in order to travel, as they say, "faster than a speeding bullet." Not that that's all that difficult, anyway, and usually can be done by any ruffian, no matter how arthritic the hip structure. Should you venture this operation, however, you will end up "slower than dirt" as the local vernacular suggests.
So, to bring this essay to a belated conclusion, having, I'm sure, lost whatever interest in any audience member that may have been there at the nonce, I say, to my chagrin, that you should never get a heart bypass either, as it makes you into a long-winded, addlebrained, pompous ass. My apologies to everyone who sought succor in these words.
